Opposites Attract: When you don’t have many common interests.
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It’s not a rare occurence- two people meet, fall in love, and the differences you have seem “cute” at the time. Fast forward about 5 years (more or less, depending on your situation) and suddenly the differences that once attracted you to your significant other are a subject of contention in your home.
In my own marriage, I found it adorable how my City Spouse was obsessed with video games, how he spent his spare time running raids online with his cyber friends. It was interesting to me to learn about this culture of gaming that so many people love, but I have never had any interest in. I liked sitting and watching how he planned his attacks and gauged his healing and other abilities.
Needless to say, I never adapted or learned to love that hobby of his. I gave it a fair shot, even going as far as creating a World of Warcraft account and installing it all on my own computer to try to play with him. Unfortunately, a subconscious desire to create wasn’t being fulfilled by playing a video game. I was creating things inside the game, however, it wasn’t tangible to me, and therefore not as rewarding as I need it to be.
From the other side, CS fell in love with me when I was fun- hanging out with a lot of friends, partying and being a crazy single woman. (I had just left a 7 year relationship with my ex, and I was living up the single life.) He found my energy and ability to have fun attractive. I know now that my “fun” side tends to aggravated him unless it’s in very small doses. Every once in a while, going out and partying with friends is fine, but the longer we are together, the more I end up out alone instead of with my CS.
We both have yelled and gotten mad and had some very harsh words for each other, but the saving grace of it all is this:
When we first started getting bothered by each other’s personality differences, we fought a lot. We both wanted to change the other instead of realizing that by changing the other, we could be in jeopardy of not loving the other anymore. I know who I fell in love with and who I married; if I change him he’s no longer the man I love.
Does that change the fact that how he is and some of the things he does drive me absolutely insane? Nope. But I know that the reverse is true, and that he sometimes feels the same way about how I am.
I don’t want him to change me, and by that logic, I don’t want to change him.
I know that there are a lot of relationships out there that both people are similar and like to do the same things. They golf together, like to go out to dinner and a movie each weekend, like to go shopping and travel together- but that’s not us.
We complement each other by BALANCING THE OTHER OUT.
CS would be a total hermit if I wasn’t around to get him out of the house. I would run myself completely ragged because I’m a busy-body if he didn’t calm me down and force me to just relax at home with takeout and a DVD.
Every relationship is different, and sometimes you just can’t get past your differences. I am a firm believer, however, that if you remember that you fell in love with the person BECAUSE of who they are, not in spite of it, you will be able to accept them and love them just the way they are.
Because, honestly, if I changed CS into a different person, he’d no longer be the man I fell in love with.
And I would hate to lose that man.
Have an “opposite” spouse in your life? I’d love to hear about your relationships and how you manage to make things work in your own household.
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