Mother’s Day without Mom
Country Mouse City Spouse
I am far from the only one without a Mom. Some have lost their’s to death, to abandonment, to addiction…
But we all still live in a world that pushes Mother’s Day and it’s Hallmark connotations upon us like we are just horrible people for being sad on a day that should be celebratory.
I miss my Mom.
I’ve heard numerous people say that “time heals all wounds”. Pardon my language, but I call B.S. It does not HEAL anything. It simply gives us time to adjust; to learn how to cope and live a life without that person involved anymore. The pain does not lessen or “go away”. After 31 years, I know how to go on with life, but throw Mother’s Day into the mix and all the old wounds and scars are ripped open, and the pain of not having her in my life is still a very raw emotion.
I am 40 years old. 4 years older than my mother ever got to live to be. The year I turned 36, I had some horrible survivors guilt kick in. Add in the fact that my birthday is the day after her’s, and that she also died 16 days AFTER my birthday, and yeah- that was a rough month.
And then here comes Hallmark to add insult to injury and tell me to CELEBRATE YOUR MOM! Ugh.
My mother was a wonderful, smart, beautiful and industrious soul. I lost my Mom in 1985- when I was only 9 (by those 16 days) years old. My little sister was 7, and my father became a widow at 31. She was raised a farm girl, married my factory-working father in 1975, had me the next year and my sister the following. She held degrees in both Elementary Education and Home Economics and was a wonderful teacher in either classroom. She stayed at home until we were both in school at least a half-day, and then she got a full-time position, only to pass away before the end of the school year.
I am not relating this to gain your pity, only to convey that I have had plenty of “time” to heal from the loss, but I haven’t.
You never do.
Whether you lost your Mom yesterday or 60 years ago, not having that person in your life to actually show them how much you love them is amplified on Mother’s Day. Not because the world is trying to re-injure you, but because when you have them, it’s simple to take them for granted. You live without realizing that at any moment they can be ripped away from you. The moments you have together are truly fleeting, and you should make EVERY day special to all the people you love.
Don’t take the time you spent reading this in pity of me or those like me. Take the time to appreciate what you have in your life. Do not spend Mother’s Day in an argument with her, bickering over trivial things that won’t matter 6 months from now.
CHERISH those you get to celebrate with today. Honor them in life now, before the only thing you have to treasure is their memory.
Remember how much Mother’s Day would mean without Mom in it.